PERFECTION, IS THAT THE RIGHT DIRECTION?

We ourselves; society, parents, teachers, coaches, peers and our environment in general, instil within us that it’s important almost critical to be perfect. And without striving for perfection and accomplishment our futures will be bleak. I really couldn't decide how I wanted to address this topic so after umpteen amount of deliberation, I decided to start by narrating a story. As the Clinical Social Worker academic public speaker, Brene Brown says and I quote, 'A story is just a little bit of data with a lot of soul'. And so today, I have a story with a little bit of data and a lot of soul.

It was exactly 4 summers ago, right before I entered ninth grade. I was just obsessed with this goal of winning an individual gold medal at my DSO Fencing Nationals. Easy goal right? I had made it into the nationals team the year before but had failed at achieving a team medal. Nonetheless, I was determined to reach my goal that year. And so, this is a picture of the nationals that year.

And you know what’s wrong with this picture? I am not in it. Now that you know the end of my not so happily ended story, let's get back to the beginning.

As a fourteen-year-old, I thought that a goal with a plan was a dream that was a ruse, and that the best way to approach my incredibly reachable objective was to practise until I had everything down pat. Every morning that summer, I would wake up visualizing myself competing at nationals and go to practise, pushing myself as far as my mind and body would allow. I'd return home, study for a few hours, and then practise the techniques at home to ensure that I was doing everything perfectly. Then in the evening, I'd go to my second training session of the day, where I'd put in even more hours of effort. But I wasn't working hard; instead, I was attempting to be perfect.

I suppose Instagram posts or the signs outside the sports stores conditioned me to think this way. 'Practice makes perfect,' and, my personal favourite, 'If you're not going to be the best at something, don't do it at all!'

Every day before my practice matches, I would tell myself that today was going to be my day. The next year at the state tournament, I learnt that although wishes indeed do not win matches, neither does wasting all your energy on overthinking or being jittery before the match. I was tired, nervous, anxious, and overexerted due to the anxiety attack I got before my match. At the end of my third match my goal of reaching nationals, much less winning was shattered. Thereafter, at regular practice, I could barely be able to go through a regular workout. A terrible summer camp followed by a terrible fencing season lead me to slowly losing hope. All caused by this internal pressure that I put on myself to be perfect.

I realized that my self-inflicted pressure to be perfect was in fact a cause of my failure to win matches. Something had to change. I had to go back to what I loved about fencing and use it to become better at fencing for myself. A few months later, we had a winter camp and this time I didn't go home and practice the routine again because I knew it would overexert me. Instead I used that time to rest before my evening training session. I unfollowed every social media account that made me feel less that who I am or am capable of being. Without the burden to be perfect this time, I had a great winter camp. While that year didn't lead me to achieve my ambitions, what I am so grateful for are the lessons I learnt from it.

The outcome of my journey from striving for perfection to focusing on being the best version of myself can be summed up in a phrase by John Steinbeck, 'And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good'. Well, maybe I will take it one step further and be great, for myself!

I'm sure everyone reading this knows at least one perfectionist, but what most folks don't realize is that perfectionism is sometimes a mental trap that can lead to a variety of mental illnesses, including anxiety, depression, OCD, and even eating disorders. For e.g. a business student who got accepted into The University of Pennsylvania may feel under-accomplished because he didn't get into MIT. A national champion may feel insecure and doubt herself because she didn’t win The Commonwealth Games; all because of the pressure of accomplishment and being perfect.

So the question that we all face is, how do we stop being a perfectionist? Do we just give up or aim for something lower? The answer is a resounding NO. Breaking free from perfectionism isn't about ceasing to work hard. I still work really hard to be a good fencer, hoping to be the best at it sooner than later, but the difference is that I'm not scared of taking chances or making mistakes anymore. It’s rather navigating yourself in the right direction, finding the beauty in who you are and accepting people for who they are. It's as much about winning as it is about having courage to learn from failures, finding new paths and having a lot of fun along the way.

We don't look up to those who doubt themselves, we look up to people who embrace themselves along with their shortcomings. We look up to individuals that are a little eccentric or unusual because that's what makes us human. We aren’t meant to be perfect; we are meant to be ourselves. Here’s my very adorable mom reinforcing the same notion

And so, instead of agonizing over of a perfect way to conclude this article. I’ve

decided that just ending it here is just fine!